once more with feeling

Today, you won’t get to read me going all crazy about a band. Because today is a special day. It’s someone’s birthday.
So, this is for you, my dear little brother.

You were the tiniest thing. I was afraid of holding you – I thought I might break something.

I don’t really remember if I was annoyed by your constant sleeping/screaming/eating/burping/pooing, but I guess I was. Also, you and our sister took all the attention from me, which is why I envied you for quite a while. But all of that is just how it works with siblings, I guess. And when you smiled and your whole face with those cute red cheeks was shining, everything else didn’t matter.

I remember many moments in our life, even if most of them turned a bit blurry over the years.
Running around in our garden and playing hide and seek between the redcurrant bushes. Watching you do your first maths homework. That everybody always had to buy you a present when our sister and me were celebrating our birthday, because otherwise you’d feel offended. You puking during our way back from France and having to wear my shorts. Your love for peanut butter and fish sticks. Us all together, watching Blues Brothers and trying to throw each other food in the mouth. You playing the piano on Christmas Eve, and us sitting beneath the tree and singing. Me bringing you your snack in school because you forgot it at home (although I think that just happened once). Your drawings which you would give to everyone for any occasion you could find. And your cute letters when I was away.

I missed out on a lot of things in your life. But what can I say – you are a boy, and if that wouldn’t be enough, you’re 7 years younger than me. At first you were cute and playing with you was nice from time to time, but then I became a rebelling teenager and couldn’t deal with your childishness. While I was dealing with heartbreaks, alcohol and trying to find my identity, you dealt with finishing that Lego set and annoying our sister. Then I moved out and lost even more of that already very little connection of ours.

And suddenly, you were grown up. You listened to Marylin Manson and Linkin Park, drank beer and smoked. It all happened so fast, it feels like we skipped ten years. And all of a sudden, that connection was back. One of my most favorite moments of our lives will always be that Kasabian concert we went to. Without judging the taste in music of our sister – I’m so very happy that at least one of you two inherited a bit of my musical preferences.

Well, there’s nothing more left for me to say except: I’m proud of you. Considering how hard it must have been for you to grow up living with only females, you turned out to be a really awesome boy and the best little brother one could wish to have.
Happy birthday, Max.